Radlett Centre Sun April 18th

What an odd one THIS has turned out to be…..several months ago our gigmeister, Alan Field, had asked us if we’d be up for doing a one-off show in aid of Habad, a Jewish children’s charity which he’s involved with. As we were clear that weekend and it fell quite soon after the end of the tour we said yes, and then put it on a back-burner while the tour prep all took place. Well, the grunt and grind of the tour has been well documented elsewhere in this blog, so I’ll say no more about that, but couple that with the band scooting straight off to Germany and Sweden afterwards, and suddenly the charity show was right upon us. It was always going to be a BIT different as we’d been specifically asked to incorporate songstrel Ellie Leah back into the show, which was fine, but then became a LOT different when some delinquent cloud of Icelandic ash brought the airways of the Northern hemisphere to a sudden halt, grounding our guitarist Phil in Gothenburg…which was NOT fine, not fine at all. We’ve had to work without him once before, a year or two back, when Ryanair did one of their random flight cancellation things and he couldn’t make a show in Kings Lynn, but this is different. We haven’t worked with Ellie in over a year, so we were planning on using the touring show as a template and then just adding Ellie’s numbers. With no Phil we suddenly realise how much of the set we now can’t do, so Den gets to work on coming up with a Plan B. To be honest it’s still better than most people’s Plan A, but it’s nonetheless all a bit seat of the pants. He’s had to change a lot of the visuals, too, so I’ll have to go through all of those with Tomps
( who fortunately is being his usual cool, unflappable self ), and to really cap it off Rodders isn’t doing this show, so we’re back to the Stone Age with us doing the best we can with what lights we find, and me trying to cue a house lighting guy who has never seen the show before. We’ve been more comfortable before curtain up, I must admit….! The venue’s a nice, new little theatre, though, just perfect for this show, and it’s great to see Pug, Tomps, Nick and Lids again. I’ve kind of hoped we’ll just drop back into the touring groove, but everything’s so different, from the way we have to lay the stage out to the fact that there’s no Rodders bustling about with his MACs, and to make things even more fun we’re on a later get-in; this would have been fine when Phil was still involved, but now there’s a lot of work to do and a lot of rehearsal to get through, and losing that extra hour doesn’t seem such a clever idea all of a sudden. Chris and Paul, the house lighting guys, are helpful and quick, but we gradually become aware that there’s really not much in the way of lighting in here, and without the MACs we could struggle to make a visual impact. I also realise when I come to test them that only one of the two remaining flame pyrotechnics kept back from the tour is working, so that’s going to look a bit pants too. Things are stacking up….It’s odd seeing the “ four – piece “ Overtures line-up again after so long on the tour; Den should be centre stage as usual but he’s not, he’s on stage left and Jamie’s swapped over completely ! Weird that such small things can throw you, but when you’ve had two months of doing things a certain way, they do. There’s no Black Box Of Bafflement tonight either due to Phil’s absence, so Nu Nu the smoke machine is redundant, and sits looking forlorn at the front of the stage, until I take pity on him and plug him in under the drum riser. Poor little fella. The weirdness continues as the charity’s main man gets onstage to describe what the organisation does, how they’re looking to raise money and so on, then he introduces a DVD showing some of the kids the charity helps. It’s desperately sad, showing these poor kids who have been maimed by warfare or serious medical problems, and everything’s very sombre….then suddenly it’s over and the band are due on….not exactly the ideal warm-up to get people in a party mood, to be honest, but the charity is what tonight’s all about, so we just get on with it. Everything sounds different, too, but the biggest miss is Rodders and his lights; Chris and Paul are manfully doing what I ask them to but there’s no drama, no snappiness, and it’s all a bit lame, despite the guys’ best intentions. Ellie’s entrance sparks things up a bit; she absolutely wallops “ You’re My World “ right between the eyes, then goes for the knockout punch with “ River Deep, Mountain High ! She’s got a set of lungs on her, this girl, and no mistake…..The first half seems to take ages, but it eventually comes to a close and we can regroup. We do a bit of light-tweaking and I set out my sad, lonely little pyro, then we’re off and running again. As Den walks onstage in darkness to start “ Blowing In The Wind “ I tell Paul on the follow-spot “ When you hear the guitar start, pick up the centre – stage vocal and hold him “….except that there IS no centre –stage vocal of course…he’s over on the bloody left tonight, isn’t he ? Arsebiscuits ! It’s like searchlights during the Blitz for a few seconds as the spot sweeps the stage trying to lock on to Den, but finally Paul gets him and everything settles down again. It actually goes remarkably smoothly, even the two “ playback “ songs where Phil’s guitar really does come to the fore. The lone pyro in “ Light My Fire “ IS naff, but the look on the faces of the people in the centre front row as it bursts into flame and they feel the burn from it is worth the admission price alone ! Ellie’s back onstage for
“ Shout “ and from then on in it’s game, set and match, with the old show – closers of “ Surfin’ USA”, “ Mony Mony “ and “ Daydream Believer “ before the ubiquitous
“ You’ll Never Walk Alone “. This isn’t the noisiest audience we’ve ever played to, and the band have to be nippy getting back onstage for the encore, but they’re appreciative enough, and the main thing is that money gets raised for the charity. After the show we try to remember which cases everything goes back into, and it’s all taking a bit too long, but we’re not that far a drive from base tonight so it doesn’t matter so much. It’s been great to see the band, Jill and Sherry again, and it wouldn’t be a Bootleg’s gig without seeing Marilyn bopping around in her tour t-shirt ! We also hear that the band have been confirmed onto the festival in Majorca that the German TV bods wanted them to do after the triumph in Munich ( though it turns out it’s with Joss Stone , not The Rolling Stones …something lost in translation there, perhaps!) Ellie’s also landed herself an eight-month contract in the stage show “ Sister Act”, which is fantastic news, so there are plenty of positives….but it just somehow hasn’t felt right, and it’s not just because of Phil’s absence…they always say you can never totally recreate a tour “ vibe” ( and yes, I DO still hate that word ), even if you’ve got all the same people involved, and I think that’s what’s happened here….instead of going on to the next gig, we’re going our separate ways, and there’s a bit of an “ after the Lord Mayor’s show “ feeling about tonight. There’s also the very real underlying sadness that this could be Pug’s last ever show with us; the personal issue that dogged his last days on the tour hasn’t turned out well, and he feels the best thing to do is to get completely away, so he’s all set to head off to Australia on a one-way ticket. He’s been so much a part of the team for the past few years that I can’t imagine him not being there, so we vow that we’re definitely going to take the show out to Oz, and he can be our monitor guy when we finally get to that land of convicts, crap daytime soaps and piss-weak beer. So as we shut the van doors and say our goodbyes to each other, that’s about it for The Booties…..we’re back out on August 26th for sixteen days, all being well, but for now the Black Box Of Bafflement, Nu Nu and the pyros are all going into hibernation for a bit. I’ll still keep on posting the odd message from the frontline, though….who knows WHAT might happen between now and August….?!!!

They Think It's All Over.....It Is Now !

Time is a funny bugger, isn’t it ? On the one hand the tour feels like it just finished a couple of days since, but then I try and think back to Dartford Orchard on February 2nd and it seems that long ago I’m sure I remember the women in the audience wearing crinolines and bustles. I think that part of this weird timestretch feeling is that we really haven’t stopped work on the band OR the tour since it finished; two days after the final curtain at Croydon the lads flew out to Germany to take part in a huge TV show, and no sooner was that over than they were scooting off to Sweden to do some shows there, and all the while they’ve been trotting around Europe I’ve been a modern – day Bob Cratchitt, slaving over a hot ledger book trying to sort out all the finances from the tour. At the time of writing I still don’t know if the drinks are on me, we’ve broken even, or the workhouse beckons, largely because NINETEEN of the theatres we played still haven’t even given us the percentage split figures I need to invoice them for, let alone part with any actual wonga. In addition to this administrative tardiness, we’re also having to deal with what are known as “ The Contras “. Far from being some arcane South American revolutionary army, these are the ( often ludicrous ) re-charges that theatres try to levy on visiting companies. There are some that you accept without question…for example, the visiting company always pays for the house crew on the load –out, and it’s also normal to accept some kind of deduction for marketing expenses, like putting your gig ad in their “ what’s on “ brochures. Some, however, are, quite frankly, taking the piss, and these are the ones that take the longest to pay. There’s one group of theatres which shall remain nameless for fear of reprisals ( yes, I’m talking about YOU, HQ Theatres….(oops) who stretch credulity to eye-watering lengths. Huge marketing recharges with no evidence given to back up what they’ve spent it on, a charge for the bloody electricity that the show uses, for Sooty’s sake, and in one theatre the absolute piece de resistance, a charge of £ 12.77 for a “ fruit bowl in the artiste’s dressing room “. Never mind that said fruit bowl wasn’t even seen, let alone eaten, by the artistes, unless it contained the world’s rarest kumquat or ugli then someone’s having a right laugh……I can buy a chuffin' SACK of fruit for twelve and a half quid ! But I digress.
The German TV show was a big deal for the band, and although it was hard work for them and involved a LOT of rehearsal, it’s made them many friends and opened a lot of doors in Europe. Thomas Gottschalk, the show’s host, is something of a Grande Fromage in German TV presenting circles, and despite sporting shoulder – length blonde hair and leather trousers that very few sixty – year old men ( including, sadly, Thomas Gottschalk ) can get away with, he was genuinely blown away by the band, and has put them up for another TV extravaganza later in the summer. The main thing the show did was raise their profile in Germany, and judging by the amount of e-mails I got from new fans in Der Fatherland after the show, it certainly did THAT. Another small digression ( you’ll get used to these…..) Have you ever used the Babelfish free translation software ? It’s genius. Most of the mails we got were in excellent English, which made me ashamed of my fifth – form schoolboy German ( his name’s Hans and he’s very beautiful…I shouldn’t be ashamed of him at all ). Like many Brits who make a cursory attempt to learn another language, I can read and understand more than I can speak, so most of the time I’ve got along OK with these missives from Deutschland, but occasionally I’d be stumped by something, usually one of their fantastic, twenty – odd - letter compound words like “ lebensmittelgeschaft “ and so I’d run it by good old Babelfish, with interesting results. The programme translates literally, with no time for tiresome things like grammar, so often I’d be left with a jumble of apparently random words from which to make a well – know phrase or saying. My favourite was when it translated one correspondent’s surname as
“ Atrocity “. Clearly a member of the Hitler family…..( before we leave the subject, can I just say that “ lebensmittelgeschaft “ is an actual word, meaning
“ greengrocers”. However, it translates literally as “ living middle shop “. Go figure…..) . To see what the band look like in genuine German HDTV widescreen 3-D technicolour feelie-sound, go to You Tube and look for the Thomas Gottschalk Swinging Sixties stuff…there’s loads. You’ll see them backing Robin Gibb and Peter Noone among others, as well as simply being the world’s best house band. Just don’t use Babelfish to translate what Thomas is saying, otherwise you’ll find yourself wondering why he refers to the band as “ a pair of lightly grilled earmuffs “.
Anyhoo, enough of this badinage…..back to the heady world of post – tour accounts.
By the time I post my next ramblings we WILL know whether we won, lost or drew, and that’ll definitely inform the length of the next post; if it’s long and rambling then we’ve made money and I’m shitfaced drunk, but if it’s short and clipped then you’d best check all your friendly neighbourhood suicide spots for a fat bald bloke in a Bootleg Sixties t-shirt. Only time will tell, so without further ado I shall sharpen my quill, fill up my inkpot and throw another peasant on the fire. It’s going to be a long night…….

Croydon Ashcroft Theatre Sun March 28th

Here we are, then. Two months, forty shows and about six thousand miles after we set off all bright – eyed and bushy – tailed for Dartford Orchard, we pull up at Croydon Ashcroft Theatre for the very last night of The Organic “ It Is What It Is “ Tour. I’ve got very, very mixed feelings about today. The great audience responses we’ve been getting are pretty addictive, and I’d like a bit more of that, please, but, as with everyone else on the tour, I’m knackered and need to rest. The knee I damaged early in the tour has become really painful and needs a serious looking at, and, of course, there are all the accounts to do, including a VAT quarterly return which is due in two days, but despite that joyous prospect awaiting me, I’m actually ready to go home now. It’s unlikely we’ll ever do a tour of this size again, although you can never say never in this lark. It’s been a real baptism of fire for the band and some of the crew, and they’ve come through it with flying colours, though there have been some pretty hairy moments and some bloody hard graft along the way. Everyone’s done brilliantly; Pug’s been ever-present throughout and apart from a brief wobble near the end when he had some unhappy personal business to contend with, he’s come on in leaps and bounds. Tomps and Clive have alternated really well on AV, and Tomps has also come up with some great new ideas for the visuals which we’ve been using for the past few shows. Rodders has done his usual great job with the minimum of fuss, and there’s no doubt at all that it’s the lights which have taken this production to a new level. The real surprise package, though, has been Lids, who hasn’t got any touring experience as such but who has worked his nuts off to become a valuable member of our team. It helps that he’s a funny bugger as well, because laughter is a very useful commodity on the road. He and Pug have really hit it off, and I’m awaiting the announcement of their impending engagement with bated breath…..The Unsung Hero Award, however, just has to go to Liddard Senior, our very own Nick. Despite being even older than me he’s displayed the energy of a man half his age
( that’ll be a 39 year – old man, then ) and just hasn’t stopped. He drives the band to and from shows, helps us set up if we need it, keeps a proprietorial eye on drummer Steve throughout the set, does the food run most nights and also does the merchandise before Arthur arrives, all for a measly five bushels of wheat a week ! What a diamond ! The only problem with our hero is that he has no inner monologue, and thus treats everyone around him to his every thought as it passes through his brain. Of course, if you challenge him about this habit of talking to himself he’ll contend that it’s the only way he gets any sensible conversation ! Nicholas Jeremiah Lemuel Liddard, we salute you, O Brother In Rock ! Back to the Ashcroft Theatre ( named after Dame Peggy, and not Richard, I gather ) and it’s a jaded bunch of Booties who set about building this last show. All of the banter of last night about wizard japes to catch the band out during the show has dissipated in a blur of sleep deprivation, and as we sloooooowly put things together it’s all we can do just to focus on getting the stage set up. When the band arrive we realise we aren’t the only ones; Steve looks totally cream crackered and everyone’s pretty subdued. This is partly to do with it being the end of the tour, and partly because the finishing line’s in sight and our bodies have all just gone “ OK…that’s enough now “. There’s a funny thing about “ last nights “…there’s this big expectation of them being some sort of amazing occasion, and you talk for weeks beforehand about what you’ll get up to and how such and such is going to be, but quite often the reality is that they’re anticlimactic. Tonight’s definitely showing signs of going down that route; not only is everyone tired, but we also learn that due to a local council ruling the audience aren’t allowed to stand up or dance, so we’re not even going to get one last look at a crowd going mental to Mony Mony. It’s a late –starting show as well, and I have to say that it’s all I can do keep my eyes open during the first half, though the band seem to liven up as soon as they get onstage. As we move into the second half there’s no real sense of things coming to an end, though Den very kindly brings the crew onstage to take a bow, which is much appreciated, and at THAT point you realise that it nearly IS all over. As they go into You’ll Never Walk Alone I can feel myself choking up a bit; Den, Steve, Arthur and myself have been working towards doing a full tour with this project for nearly three years, and we’ve finally done it. We’ve had some clunkers during the past two months ( Hello Boston !!! ) but the overall tour has been a great success, and we can safely say that we’re firmly on the map now. In a way it’s like watching one of your kids grow up and leave home….we’ve been so close to this project for so long, and now it’s over. And yes, I know it’s going back out in the Autumn but nothing is ever the same as your first tour ( unless it’s your first sell-out tour !! ) and we’re all going to be a bit bereft for a couple of weeks. Being on tour is a bit like being in the army; you’ve got a small group of people travelling and living together to do this quite tough job, and you all have to look out for and support each other. You develop a kind of “ us against the world “ siege mentality, and when the circle is broken and the tour’s over it can leave you with a very odd emptiness. A real “ road pig “ friend of mine who has toured since God was a lad described it as being almost like a kind of grieving, in that something’s gone that you can’t get back. On the other hand, you can have a situation like I did back in 1991 when I was touring for nine weeks with an American band and I couldn’t WAIT for the last day. I would cheerfully have murdered them in their beds, and the only grief I felt at the end of THAT tour was that I hadn’t cut off their testicles with a rusty knife and fed them to my dog, but perhaps that’s just me being uncharitable; I’m sure they were kind to their Mums and small animals. At the end of the show there’s a quick “ well done “ among the crew, but we’ve still got to get this gear out and the set knocked down; Pug, Tomps and I are taking the truck back to Bedford tonight and have to unload everything when we get there, then I have to drive the lights over to Ipswich tomorrow. Kevin “ The Silver Fox “ Lee has come down from Hoddesdon in the band’s van to pick up THEIR gear, so there’s no time for sentimentality OR hanging about. I manage a quick chat with Jamie to check he enjoyed the tour ( he loved it ) got a brief hug from Den ( loved the tour , hated me ) and one from Phil ( hated the tour, loved me ) and then suddenly they were gone; I didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye to Steve, Jill, Chris and Michelle, and it’s just because there’s so much to do and pack and remember to sort out; the band are off to Germany in two days and so we also have to make sure that all the gear that’s going out there is kept in yet another separate pile. The source of much attention is the flightcase that rejoices in the self – explanatory moniker “ The Jizz Case “. This wheeled box has become like Mary Poppins’s carpet bag….everything that doesn’t have a home anywhere else goes in it, and you never know WHAT you’re going to pull out when you put your hand in. There are three people bent over it and all you can hear is “Yours….yours….mine…ours…his….ours….yours…”as the contents are divvied up. Finally we’re ready, and we take a sad leave of Nick and Lids. Rodders is also leaving tonight and I find this particularly hard as he’s been lodging with me for the whole tour, and going home without him is going to be very odd ( OK so that sounds a bit gay, but you know what I mean…). Pausing only to get hopelessly lost in Croydon we head north, and I’m here to tell you that the cab of that truck is suddenly a very lonely place. We get back to Bedford at about 3.00am and the whole “ loading the kit back in to the unit “ thing seems totally alien and wrong….it should be in the truck and going to the next show !!! It’s going to take a while to decompress from all this. I get home at about 5.00am and tumble into bed, but I’m suddenly wide awake again, replaying days from the tour in my mind. I’ve done so many tours over the years you’d have thought that this would have been just one more, but it wasn’t….it was different….it was OURS. I’m going to miss the band, the crew, the familiar faces like Marilyn and Debbie in the front row, the band’s wives, the tiredness, the banter, the smell of napalm in the morning (?!) the voice of Doris the satnav, the standing ovations, the soles of my shoes being covered in “ rock & roll dogshit “( discarded gaffa and electrical tape strips ) the feeling when you first walk onstage at a new theatre, look around and go “ Oh f**k…..”, the sense of achievement when you’ve pulled a rescue mission out of the bag, the taste of Ginsters pies, even the smell of Clive’s gaseous emissions ( actually, scrub that one out….). I’m also going to miss writing THIS, Faithful Blogreader, and thus, mindful of the fact that I never DID tell you about the joy of soundchecks, I’m going to carry on posting up odd musings and thoughts about all things Bootleggy and tour – related. Thanks to all of you for your comments and kind words, and I hope you’ll keep an eye on this for future missives. For now, though, it’s time to sleep, so I’d just like to leave you with something that been said to me many, many times throughout my career in the music business, which is
“ What are you doing in my shed, and where are your trousers ? “

Thankyou and goodnight….