Croydon Ashcroft Theatre Wed March 2nd

The last time we were here at the Ashcroft was on the final date of the 2010 tour, and I remember it being somehow anti-climactic, especially as the house was enforcing a rule whereby no-one was allowed to even stand up and dance in their seats without being taken out the back and beaten with rubber hoses by steroid – crazed heavies. A word with the management happily reveals that this is no longer the case; they’d
“ misinterpreted the licensing guidelines “, apparently. Where it said “ the paying audience should be allowed to express their appreciation and enjoyment of the evening’s entertainment in any appropriate way “, the management actually thought it said
“ anyone showing even the faintest vestige of enthusiasm will be swiftly and violently eliminated in the appropriate way “. An easy mistake to make, really. We’re in good company tonight, as Lenny Henry is playing the Fairfield Halls next door, so we might just sneak in for a chuckle. Today’s one of those days where we get lots of little niggling technical things going on like cables suddenly not working and noises coming out of places where they have right to come out of, but eventually everything’s up and running and we’re good to go. As Jamie’s voice has been getting stronger by the day the decision is made to put two of the “ dropped “ songs back in the set, though he’s unfortunately not confident enough yet to do his solo number. We sit him down and sympathetically tell him that this is fine, not to worry at all, but that if it’s not back in within a show or two we’re going to have to throw him out of the moving tour bus. Twice. The show goes up and he’s quickly on to one of his first real tests, “ Go Now “ ( or “Gonads” as is it somewhat childishly referred to by the crew ), but he sails through without a hitch, and it becomes clear early on that this is a crowd looking for a good night out. They obviously couldn’t find one in Croydon so they came to see us, but hey…you take your breaks where you can find them. For some reason on this tour it seems that the crunchier songs like You Really Got Me, Light My Fire and Pinball Wizard are going down best, though Whiter Shade has been a real winner too….guess it’s just not a song that people cover very much as the vocal is so difficult to nail properly. When You Really Got Me’s guitar riff kicks in tonight people actually scream in recognition, which is both gratifying and a little bit scary at the same time , and the second half just builds and builds….even the other acoustic section storms it, especially the “ Elvis Moment “ on Suspicious Minds. The acid test, of course, will be the dance party section….will the audience go for it, or will years of conditioned subjugation by the authorities keep them in their seats ? Steve kicks in the intro to Mony Mony and does his “ Get up off your seat and on your feet “ call, and bugger me, do they take notice !! At best we were expecting some gentle shimmying and clapping along, but no…with a roar a bunch of people stampede to the area in front of the stage where they proceed to wig out with almost mad abandon. There’s one oldish chap who is just banging the palms of his hands on the stage whilst bellowing along with the songs, and right in the middle is Really Should Know Better At His Age Man, who actually looks like he’s been wired directly into the National Grid. He treats us to a display of Dad-dancing of almost Olympian quality before getting totally lost in the moment, turning to his girlfriend and commencing what can only be politely termed “ heavy frottage “, with much pelvic thrusting., before he disappears into the melee of gyrating groovers. Their singalong stuff would grace the terraces of any football stadium, and at the end of the main set we’ve never heard cheers like it outside the Liverpool Philharmonic last year. It is, quite seriously, one of the best receptions we’ve ever had, and to be honest we’re all a bit stunned by it, so marked is the contrast from last year. Our only vague disappointment is that we didn’t improve on last year’s attendance figures, but a word with the management after puts things in perspective for us….next door, major star Lenny Henry, in his adopted home town, has only pulled a crowd of around 400. We’ve been hearing for a while that business is down in general all over the country, and this brings it home to us with a bang, so although we’ve not done massive numbers tonight, between ourselves and Lenny we’re DEFINTELY the happier of the two. A somewhat disturbed evening lies ahead for his tour accountant, methinks…..

Stockport Plaza Tues 1st March

Ah, the unrelenting glamour of life on the road……We wake up this morning in a sort of lay-by outside the theatre in the middle of Stockport, parked on either side of a rubbish – filled skip ( which also seemed to be home to a family of Albanians ) and as we emerge blinking into the weak sunlight, hair awry and all smelling faintly of eau de bloke, some locals stare at us as though we’d arrived from another planet…..which in a sense we have, as OUR planet isn’t largely populated by shellsuited, soap-dodging benefit scroungers whose idea of a day out is a family trip to Poundland. Once again we look up at the massive illuminated art deco frontage of the Plaza, and once again we ask “ What in the name of Basil Brush’s underpants are we doing here ? “ The external grandeur of the theatre, we recall grimly, doesn’t extend to the dressing rooms or backstage facilities, and , of course, there’s the little matter of a 1 in 6 slope carpeted by lush, flight-case knackering shag pile waiting to swamp our gear, at the end of which there’s a hoik up on to the stage which is so high Sir Edmund Hilary once came here and planted a bloody flag on it. To be fair, there are two improvements from last time. One is that they’ve actually supplied a couple of crew to help us load in, and the other is that they’ve now got a goods lift which makes the ascent of Everest to the stage a little easier. In fact, it all comes in and goes together easier than we’d expected, but it’s still a grind. To add insult to injury we know this one’s not sold well ( this sentence was brought to you by Great Understatements of Our Time, number five in a series ), so everyone’s a bit fratchy. No blood is shed, fortunately, and we make it through to soundcheck in one piece. We’re trying a new bit of theatrical jiggery-pokery tonight which involves dropping a piece of scenery in and out, so we test it out at soundcheck. The band impress us by working around this potentially dangerous object without loss of limb or sight, so we decide to keep it in. If it does end up braining one of them we could just work it into the show and call it suffering for our art….And so to showtime, and the depressing sight the audience scattered throughout this huge place. At least the management haven’t tried to sell the balcony, which is so far away they speak a different language there, and within a couple of songs we’re reminded that although this place wasn’t heaving last time either, this tends to be a noisy and enthusiastic crowd. They’re really good natured too, and Den gets some banter going with them. There’s one woman in particular who may possible be a little over – refreshed as she feels it necessary to bawl out to the stage after every other song. This in itself isn’t too much of a problem, but she combines the volume of a jumbo jet with the raucousness of Barbara Windsor, and I’m here to tell you folks, it’s not a winner. Den handles it with aplomb, however, and luckily it doesn’t seem to affect anyone else’s enjoyment of the show, especially after we have her forcibly removed and shot. The set rattles along beautifully, and the new trick in the acoustic section works a treat, so we’ll be using that wherever we can. Jamie’s definitely getting better; “ Whiter Shade” is almost at full power, though we’re still being prudent and keeping “ Go Now “ and “Itchycoo Park” out of the set for another day or two. It’s in the bag by the time they get to the new “ Sixties dance party “ section, and there’s some proper community singing on “ You’ll Never Walk Alone “. As with last time we’ve won this crowd over and they’re full of praise, but once again we’ve played to a small crowd and you have to start looking at the venue itself to see if everything is being done to promote the show. We make a little mental note for the future. The load out isn’t as brutal as we’d feared, partly thanks to the venue’s new scissor lift and partly due to the fact that they’ve got some people to help us this time, but some purblind, spavinned Neanderthal has chosen to park their car right up against the front of the bus and then abandon it, necessitating the whole crew dragging the skip along the road so the bus can get out( much to the displeasure of the Albanian family, whose kids were due up in an hour to go and commit some burglaries ). It is with genuine feeling that we say “ Stockport, thank you and goodnight “……

Skegness Embassy Sun Feb 27th

We seem to make a habit of playing out of season seaside towns these days. Nothing wrong with that in itself, it’s just that when they’re on the North Sea like Skeggy then it’s about 25 degrees colder than anywhere inland, with an icy wind that blows right across from the Urals and straight up your gusset. “ Skegness – it’s so bracing ! “ say all the tourist ads, probably because “ Skegness – come and get frostbite in your nethers ! “ wouldn’t have sounded quite so appealling. At least The Embassy is warm and welcoming, and although we know that tonight’s not sold too well there’s a nice big stage, and so for the first time on the tour so far we can spread out and run the full production. One of the things that we were talking about on the bus last night was how both band and crew seem to have hit the ground running this time out….apart from the initial technical grief we had at Haverhill everything has been remarkably painless, and we’ve dropped into a really good groove right from the off. When I think back a year to how things were at the start of that first tour it seems like a lifetime away; events that would have had us run screaming into the streets last time are now met with a shrug of the shoulders and an“ OK then “. The band’s attitude has got a lot to do with it..…this is a very different way to tour than what they’re used to, but they’ve taken to it like ducks to water, and that’s made for a much easier working environment. It helps that we don’t have any major prima donnas in the tour party, of course, but it’s also because we know and trust each other more now. We know the band will always deliver, even when they’re feeling physically below par, and they know we’ll always make them look and sound great. Even Still As Yet Unnamed Chris Stocker The Monitor Chap has bought into the whole vibe, and so far his only crime has been to be younger and better looking than me.I’ve been on tours where band / crew segregation has made things almost unworkable, but there’s none of that here. Today’s a great case in point….with the help of an excellent local crew we bang the kit up in record time, so we have a nice relaxed soundcheck that seems to be over in no time at all, giving us the chance to get something to eat or even ( Oh luxury of luxuries ! ) grab a quick nap back in the cocoon of our bunks on the bus. As we’d feared, tonight’s not a big audience, and there’s an element of polite applause at first, but gradually a few whoops and cheers come in, and suddenly that invisible barrier is broken down. It seems to be the rockier numbers like You Really Got Me, Light My Fire and Pinball Wizard that get the best response, but the crowd sing along lustily when asked to and although there might not be many of them their demands for an encore at the end are loud and genuine.We hear after the show that the duty manager was so impressed with what she’d seen that she e-mailed the general manager at home during the interval saying “ you’ve GOT to re-book this show ! Good news indeed, but unfortunately another worry does rear it’s ugly head tonight….Den’s been carrying a bit of a bad throat for a couple of days, and after the show he’s decidedly croaky, so it’s on with the big coat and woolly scarf , a quick drop of jollop and off to bed for him. To make things even more fun Chris ( that’s Chris Keyboards, by the way ) seems to be coming down with the same thing. Our safe little bus may soon be turning into a plague house on wheels, so we’re going to have to keep a very close eye on everyone over the next couple of days. We can’t have history repeating itself…..can we ?

Market Drayton Festival Centre Sat 26th Feb

OK, let’s get this out of the way here and now. I’m a fat bastard. I love my food. In fact I love anyone’s food. Last time we were here, Sheila, the lovely lady who cooks all the grub in the venue’s café made us some fantastic cakes, and I may just have had a teeny tiny sample of each one. As a result, everyone in the tour party is convinced that we’re only back here doing this show tonight because of Sheila’s cakes. This is not true. We’re only doing this show because of Sheila’s cakes AND her toasted sandwiches. We love this venue, and we love the people who work here. Today we love them even more because since our last visit they’ve built a whole new backstage area with nice loos and a lovely, hot shower. They’ve even supplied us with a load of fluffy towels and some shower gel, and nothing ever seems to be too much trouble for Geoff and Glyn who run the venue. A nicer, more helpful bunch of people you truly couldn’t wish to meet. We know the show’s going to be a stonker before we even start, too….they love their Sixties music here, and fortunately they love us playing it for them. Although it’s always cosy onstage and there’s a slight element of Tetris about the placement of instruments, cases and so on, the atmosphere’s great and as the audience are virtually on top of you there’s a great communication between the stage and the auditorium. We’ve encountered one problem, though….what’s become known as The Chris Issue. We’ve never had two people in the party with the same name before, and it’s a bugger. We started trying to differentiate by calling them Chris Monitors and Chris Keyboards but that was too unwieldy. We then tried Big Chris and Little Chris but that didn’t work either, so we thought the easiest thing was to find a tour name for Chris Monitors. First out of the bag was “ New Pug “ followed by “ Pug 2 “ and even “ Not Pug “, but we need to help the poor chap make his own mark on the tour, so until anyone else can come up with a better moniker he’s know as “ Oy ! You !”. Suggestions to tony@thebootlegsixties.com, please…..Right. Let’s get this next bit out of the way quickly too. The venue fed us. Sheila may have made some cakes. I may have had a piece. Of all four of them. And then taken another cake on the bus after the show. See ? Simple. No problem, And CERTAINLY not deserving of the public humiliation dished out from the stage as Den regaled the audience with tales of wanton gluttony from yours truly. I mean, how unfair…after all, I was just helping the poor woman decide which one tasted best (the amswer was all of them, in case you’re interested ). But enough of this, and on to the show….we’re adding a new bit to “Suspicious Minds” tonight, as we’ve finally got the techy bit sorted out to do it in full, so we’re gradually getting towards the finished version of the show.. As soon as Jamie’s back up to full strength we’ll put the missing songs back in, and that’ll be that. He’s definitely starting to sound better already, and although he’s judiciously pulling back from going full throttle still, it only feels like a matter of time now. The show tonight is pretty flawless from top to bottom, and it’s genuine pleasure to watch the band’s faces as they play and see how much they’re enjoying this. The Market Drayton crowd are as vociferous and enthusiastic as ever, even cheering the film of Geoff Hurst’s last goal for England as if it had been scored tonight and not forty-five years ago, and the new “ Elvis moment “ works an absolute treat. There’s one lady of somewhat advanced years in the front row who sits throughout the evening with a sort of “ stunned mullet “ expression on her jib, and the initial feeling is that she must be finding it all a bit loud, but when the “party” section starts she’s up and dancing too. They’d seriously let us play all night if they could, and for all the constraints of size and finance it’s one of those places that we’ll try and come back to every time. After the show we get a really nice e-mail from a lady who was there tonight. The last time we played here she’d just tracked down her Dad who she hadn’t seen for 48 years, and the two of them came to see the show and were in tears as the band played “Walk Right Back” as it had become “ their song”. Unfortunately he was too ill to attend this time, but she told us her story and how much the show and that song had meant to them. Now, I may be a great big cynical old Hector at times, but when you hear things like that it makes you realise that what we’re doing here can seriously touch people’s lives. In the context of what’s happened with Clive it’s all too easy to trivialise this as just so much musical fluff, but it IS worthwhile and it can make a real difference. Altogether now….We are thr world, we are the children…..

Morecambe The Platform Fri Feb 25th

A long old run up to Morecambe for Nick and I in the equipment vans this morning, but the roads are unusually clear, and apart from having a struggle to escape the tractor beam of a McDonalds near Lancaster, I get there in good time. I’m also ridiculously pleased to get a series of texts from Clive asking how things are going and sending me a selection of his latest jokes; he may be down but he’s not out ! This is my first sight of Morecambe, and to be honest it’s not inspiring; it’s a cold, wet February morning, the tide is out, and all I can see as I drive along the seafront is miles of muddy shallows disappearing into the murk. With a shiver I remember that this was where a group of Chinese cockle – pickers were trapped by the incoming tide and drowned not that long ago. It’s grey, depressing stuff, and even the sight of town hero Eric Morecambe’s statue in classic “ Bring Me Sunshine “ pose can’t raise the spirits. I pull up to the gig to see the first problem of the day….last night’s duty manager has forgotten to take the lock off the bollard on the access road, so instead of being safely tucked in by the building with power hooked up and all systems humming, the bus is out on the main road being battered by driving wind and rain. To add to the overall ambience, a hideous denizen from the Ninth Circle Of Hell comes up ( you may also hear them referred to as “ traffic wardens” ) and happily slaps a ticket on the bus on the grounds that it’s causing an obstruction. The fact that the roads of the town are virtually deserted seems to have escaped this troglodyte’s notice, and unfortunately an attempt to explain our predicament merely prompts a swivel – eyed rant about rights of access and the sanctity of Her Majesty’s highways. I’m sure I also heard something about how we were all going to burn in eternal flames for having the temerity to park there, but I could have been mistaken. As soon as one of the venue staff finally comes along to let us in, however, the day takes a major turn for the better . The gig itself is a massive improvement on everything we’ve seen here so far…..it’s the old railway station, and the management have done a fantastic job of turning it into a cosy, quirky venue. House guys Shaun, Ron, Tom and Magic are friendly and helpful, and after a brew or four we’re warmed up and raring to go. It’s the band’s first day of using venue showers instead of having hotel rooms, and there’s a little bit of trepidation as to how they’ll deal with it, but apart from a few cases of terminal bed-head, they’re all fine. The set-up comes together quite quickly and the only casualty is the running board for the PA speakers which I spent several hours lovingly crafting earlier this week. After serving us well in Haverhill it finds the mean streets of Morecambe just too tough for it’s tender sensibilities, and promptly sheds two wheels as soon as it gets down the ramp. Epic fail….. The venue has been laid out for tonight in what’s known as cabaret style, in other words it’s tables and chairs rather than rows of seats; we did this once before in Bridlington and it worked really well. Tonight proves to be just as good; everyone is close to the stage, creating a nice, intimate atmosphere. Jamie’s voice is still suffering so we continue to run the slightly truncated show, and we realise that there’s a certain symmetry about the songs we’ve taken out….Go Now has gone now, She’s Not There isn’t there, and Elvis ( Suspicious Minds ) has left the building !There are about nineteen new songs being featured in full or in part, and there’s a second semi – acoustic medley been added, plus there are new outfits, new solo bits, new links and loads of new footage, so although it retains the essence of the regular show there’s plenty of different stuff for returning fans to enjoy. There are already songs that are showing early signs of becoming standout moments; a stomping version of Out Of Time closes the first half and Jamie does a fantastic job of Procol Harum’s Whiter Shade Of Pale ( or Skiffle Lie Fandangle , as it’s also known ), plus Phil’s twist on the Shadows is a corker…we may have dispensed with the Black Box Of Bafflement but the spirit of Hank still lives on !We’ve still to see Jamie’s new solo spot, and one song in the second medley can’t be done just yet as we’ve got to sort out some visual issues, but what we’ve got already is looking and sounding great, and the audience are lapping it up. For the second night running the show computer behaves itself, largely thanks to Tomps offering it a sacrifice of several pocket calculators and a digital watch, and apart from a couple of “ new cue “ visual glitsches the whole thing runs beautifully. Duty manager Shaun ensures that he earns legendary status after the show by giving us a big bag of doughnuts, sausage rolls and sandwiches for the bus, and so it’s a bunch of much happier campers who climb into their bunks and head south down the M6. As the bus pulls out there’s a bump from beneath the wheels and I look out the window to see what looks suspiciously like a traffic warden lying in the road where we’ve just been parked…….

Haverhill Arts Centre Thurs Feb 24th

Do you ever get that feeling that everything’s conspiring against you, and that maybe some things just aren’t meant to be ?? Now, I’m normally a “ glass half full “ kind of cove, but recently even my optimism has been given a severe shoeing. We’re about to start what is arguably an even more important tour than the debut outing a year ago, yet over the course of just a couple of days we’ve heard that Jamie’s chest infection is still giving him serious trouble with his voice, quickly followed by the dreadful news that our friend and fellow crew member Moore, has suffered a stroke and is in hospital. As Clive was probably the fittest and healthiest member of the whole crew this has been a major shock, and to be honest we’re struggling to get it to sink in. He’s got such a presence that it’s hard to imagine him being laid so low, and this has really cast a pall over our preparations. The only bright spot is that Tomps, despite being the most in- demand cameraman and video editor this side of the Rockies, has come to the rescue and managed to re-arrange his work so that he can cover the whole tour. It’s thus with somewhat mixed emotions that we arrive at the Arts Centre today…..we’ve got the usual pre-tour mixture of nerves and excitement peppered with a fair amount of anticipation, a dash of pure terror and a pinch of roiling guts, though on reflection the latter is probably last night’s chicken jalfrezi. For the first time in ages there’s also a totally new face on the crew in the shape of monitor engineer Chris Stocker. When Pug left us last year for Antipodean shores we’d half expected that he’d either run out of money or do something illegal, either of which would necessitate a sharp exit back to Blighty and the welcoming arms of the Bootleg family, but sadly he’s proved to be made of sterner stuff, and we’ve had to go back to the drawing board. Of course, with our contact network and our gazillion years in the business we could get a monitor engineer in no time at all, but it needs to be someone who fits in with our somewhat idiosyncratic bunch as much as someone who has the pure technical ability. We’d seen Chris before many times outside Milton Keynes railway station as he sat wrapped in rags with his dog on a string, and had been impressed with the cheerful way he shamelessly begged for money and scraps of food, so after a short negotiation about how many bottles of cider he’d be paid and a quick trip to a local sheep-dip, he was in. So finally the build-up is over, and here we are again in Haverhill. Now, first days are always a BIT fraught, but today seems especially knotty and gnarled. Chris is seeing the system built for the first time, and there are also new elements to the PA, so that all takes a while to get going, plus the computer which runs all the show visuals falls over and steadfastly refuses to start up again. Did you notice how calmly I slipped that in, Faithful Blogreader ? A year ago that news would have at best rendered me a sobbing wreck and at worst had me reaching for the steak knives to commit hara-kiri, but these days a combination of absolute trust in the abilities of my colleagues and, of course, some blind, desperate optimism gives me the warm, fuzzy feeling that it’s somehow all going to be fine. The other thing that seriously impresses me is the band’s attitude…..instead of having conniption fits, Den accepts the problem with almost Zen-like stoicism. Before we’ve even started the first date we’ve had to change the show anyway…..Jamie’s voice problems mean that we’re having to drop four numbers from tonight’s set….but the experience of last year’s tours mean that we now greet this kind of news with almost arrogant insouciance rather than bowel – loosening panic. As it happens, by some arcane process of digital alchemy the computer decides not to only to start working but to KEEP working throughout the show, although Tomps advises us not to breathe anywhere near it or even look at it in case whatever little demons are churning around inside it’s bits and bytes get the arse with us and go on strike again. All in all it’s been a pretty fraught and stressful day, to be totally honest, but then the lights go down, the “no smoking” announcement is made, and the magic begins all over again . Can I just say here and now that I’m going to make no excuses for not going into detail about the actual show here, because if I’m totally straight with you much of it went by in a blur of new cues, new songs and furtive sideways glances at our recalcitrant computer. Suffice to say that despite Jamie’s vocal worries the band, to use a well-worn X Factor cliché “ owned “ the stage tonight….and fear not, folks, there’ll be a lot more about the performances themselves in future blogs. One thing that DOES merit special mention, though, is that for the first time we’ve a big, spiffy, proper tour programme which Den put together with old mucker and all – round graphic genius Ian; it’s glossy and professional and I think I want to marry it and have it’s children. Well done chaps….big pats on the back due all round. Another marker of how the show is expanding and developing arrives tonight in the shape of a big, shiny double-decker tour bus, with bunks, kitchen, entertainment systems, engine, wheels and everything. This beastie is going to be our home for the next few weeks, though sadly not for me tonight….I’ve got to head back to base to pick up some bits and bobs for tomorrow. I DO get the dubious pleasure of being the pathfinder, leading the bus out towards the M11 and tomorrow’s show in Morecambe, but as I stop for fuel I see the bus pass me and disappear into the Suffolk night. Either driver Kev is now sure of where he’s going now, or else I’m going to find myself very lonely at the gig tomorrow…….

My Little Office, Geddington - The Sequel Sun January 16th 2011

Good day everyone, and Happy New Year from Bootleg Sixties Towers ! Despite the fact that I'm still hoovering up pine needles and that not all of the Christmas choccy has been eaten yet ( actually that's a blatant lie ) we're already just a few short weeks away from the start of the 2011 Spring Tour. We have, in fact, been working on this since way back before the last jaunt in the late summer of 2010, but in the way of these things what starts out as a distant mark on your wallplanner suddenly becomes the day after tomorrow in the blink of an eye. Actually we've been pretty much free of the usual logistical and personnel buffoonery that surrounds tours, meaning that either we're getting better at it or a disaster of truly gargantuan proportions is waiting just around the corner to bite us on our Christmas pud - reinforced arses. Apart from some posters going temporarily astray and the fact that Scotland was shut for December ( apparently they had some trouble with a light dusting of snow. Can't say I noticed...was it mentioned on the news ?? ), our biggest headache so far has been finding a replacement tour bus. Oh yes, we're going all proper rock 'n' roll on this next runout. Now, SOME tour buses are mobile Palaces Of Sin, but somehow I can't help feeling that ours will be more a travelling melange of Ovaltine, Ssanatogen, Ralgex and slippers. We'd found a bus company that had come up with one of those " so brilliant I can't believe no-one's thought of it before " ideas about their cost structure. Well, the reason no-one's thought of it before is because it obviously doesn't bloody work, and they've now gone out of business, leaving us to find an alternative in what is the country's busiest touring period of the year. I thought we were going to end up with a twelve - berth hay wagon or, if we were REALLY lucky, a sea - going container on the back of an Eddie Stobart truck, but no, we'll have a real, shiny bus, with bunks, a kitchen, a loo and everything. We even toyed with the idea of having the band's logo emblazoned on the side so that as we traversed the country, people would rush into the street, look at the bus and say " Who the hell are The Bootleg Sixties....?" As it happens the artwork for this was going to cost the equivalent of the Gross National Product of Paraguay, so we knocked that idea on the head. Our other big task has been replacing the godlike genius that was Pug, monitor engineer extraordinaire. We were even hanging on to a vestige of hope that he might tire of his new life Down Under, especially in the light of their recent moisture problems, and come back to help us; however, he sent me picture of himself in Sydney harbour on a blisteringly hot day, happily shitfaced and mooning at the camera with a whole posse of simiarlly beer - sodden chums, so clearly he's not pining for home TOO much. We think we've found a likely candidate to take over, but so as not to tempt fate I won't mention his name in case he explodes, contracts dengue fever, or turns out to be number one on the FBI's Most Wanted list. Whoever we end up with, though, this next tour's going to be very interesting. Not only are we going to some new places like Andover,Exmouth and St Helens, we're going to a whole new territory, Scotland, for the first time. We're also going back to some places we did on the last tour, hoping to improve on or at least match how we did before, so the overall aim is to crank the show's profile up a notch or ten. We're still planning to stick to one major UK tour per year, so we have to make the most of every show. We WILL be doing some special one-offs around the country again later in the year, so watch the website for details. Speaking of the website and all things digital, we're about to add a FanZone page in time for the tour. It's going to be a members - only feature, and we'll using it for news updates, visual and audio downloads, competitions, and all manner of Booties - related malarkey, so keep an eye on the site until you see the link to join. You'll also, I'm reliably informed, be able to follow us on Twitter. Far from being something that might pique Bill Oddie's interest, this is, apparently, a new - fangled thing that young people use, like Mugbook or Faceache or whatever it's called. From our point of view it means that we'll be able to give you minute - by - minute accounts of debauched Nurofen - popping sessions on the tour bus and the like, plus you'll be able to tell us what you think of the shows pretty much as they happen. I'll still be doing the blog, of course, but Twitter gives us a faster, closer relationship with you all...plus it means some of the other buggers in the tour party can write something this time ! There'll probably be at least one more blog before we kick off in Haverhill on February 24th, so as they say on all those radio shows that make you want to reach inside the set, drag the DJ out and punch him in the face, " Remember, keep it here...."