Whitley Bay Playhouse, Wed August 10th

Welcome to the mini - est of mini – tours !After a gap of a few months we're back treading the boards with a couple of gigs to blow away the cobwebs before we take a completely new show to Liverpool Philharmonic at the end of the month, so we’re all trying to remember what goes where and who does what ! We’ve been asked back here to Whitley Bay Playhouse by the theatre management, which is always nice and not a little flattering, so we’re keen to make a good impression as well as ironing out any kinks.
( See what I did there ? ? Kinks ? Sixties show ?....Oh, never mind…..) Although it’s over four months since we last did this show, however, it’s a bit like riding a bike, and we find that we’re slotting back into the tour routine as if we’d never been away. The crew traveled up the night before to give us a good run at things today, and within minutes of setting up, the prudence of this becomes clear. As Tomps starts to change the settings on the main projector he is rewarded with a bang, a flash and a puff of smoke out of the air vent on the side. Now, I’m no technician, but even I could see that this was a Very Bad Thing. At £ 200 – odd a pop these aren’t the kind of item you carry lots of spares of, but luckily we DO have an older lamp on board that will suffice, and with little more than a curt “ Nothing to see here..step away from the projector !” from Tomps as I wander over to see what’s happened, he and Dr Arthur don the masks and gowns, whip out the scalpels, and soon have the thing working again. We have a few tense moments with a recalcitrant radio microphone rack that clearly needs something more than Impact Therapy to get it working again, but with very little evidence of blood, sweat or tears, soundcheck is soon running smoothly, and we’re treated to one of the new songs the band are playing tonight, The Hollies “ I’m Alive “, which replaces “ Look Through Any Window “. They’re also switching “Wonderful Land” back into the set at the expense of the “ Apache / FBI “ medley, thought they insist this is on musical grounds only, and nothing to do with the shenanigans the crew used to pull during “ FBI" on the last tour. Spoilsports…..We’ve actually increased sales quite nicely from the last time we were here, but you’d never know from walking around the town. Normally when we play seaside towns it's cold, grey, wet and pretty much deserted, so we thought it'd be nice to do some in the summer. Here we are, then, in Whitley Bay in August…..where it's cold, grey wet and pretty much deserted. One place that IS open, however, is Pantrini’s, the fish and chip restaurant, and let me tell you, if we’d played in Whitley Bay on the last tour then Pantrini’s would have been pushing for a top three slot in our top tour grub league table. Light, fresh and crispy with just the right infusion of lard, they truly hit the spot, though they DO have the unfortunate side effect of making the backstage area smell like Billingsgate Fish Market. Still, a man’s gotta chew what a man’s gotta chew. Whether they’re slightly dazed from the effects of the 260 mile drive up here today or whether it’s incipient mellowness, the band hit a really relaxed groove right from the start. Steve in particular is just driving things along beautifully, playing a smart, tight solo in Pretty Woman and generally backing off the general violence and pyrotechnics a little, but they’re all just clicking really nicely. Den and Jamie are in great voice, Phil’s right on the money, and apart from an interesting new intro to “ Whiter Shade Of Pale “ Chris is bang on too. Next to me Tomps is proudly operating his new show computer and dropping in his usual witty asides over the comms system ( though fortunately he is fart-free tonight, to the relief of my little nostril hairs which have only just grown back from being singed off the last time). Nick is next to Tomps doing his hand – jiving and Dad – dancing, and on the other side of the stage I can see Junior, looking more like an eco-warrior than ever, and suddenly I feel a real surge of love for this whole thing, for all these people, and it feels so much like being back on tour that I get a real pang when I realise we’re only doing this for two nights. Luckily this only lasts a second or two before I accept it’s time to MAN UP and stop being such a soft shite. Emotions are for GURLS.
We’ve got a very decent crowd in tonight, and they play their part in turning this into an above – average evening, so by the time the house lights have come up at the end we’ve got a real sense of a job well done. We’ve identified a couple of things we need to look at before Liverpool, which is one of the main reasons for doing these two shows, so all that remains now is to work out what goes into which vehicle and in which order. Thanks to the Playhouse’s splendid bi-van load dock, however, even THIS is accomplished quickly and painlessly, and it’s not even midnight as we pull away and head for our hotel at Washington on the A1. We’ve left the band here in town tonight ( more of which later…..) and are all set for the simple run through the Tyne Tunnel and onto the A1….except that the Tyne Tunnel is shut for roadworks, and the attendant diversion system has been put in place by someone who has failed to grasp the premise that the primary function of a road is to assist you in reaching your destination. Just when you think you’ve worked it out, WALLOP !!!....along comes another “ Road Closed “ sign. Now, I used to live around here, and I have a reasonable grasp of the geography of the place, or so I thought. At one point I was convinced the Roadworks Bastards had even changed the course of the river Tyne as it was most definitely not where it should have been, but eventually we found our way onto the coast road, and without further mishap headed south until we eventually rolled into Washington Birtley services and the delights of the Travelodge. It had taken us nearly an hour to cover 22 miles. We finally hit the hay, grumbling about the “ lucky old band, staying in the nice hotel right around the corner from the gig……”