Tamworth Asembly Rooms Wed Feb 17th

It has to be said, the omens for today are not good. Despite the fact that I had no alcohol whatsoever last night, the vagaries of the hotel heating system mean that I wake at 7.00am with a mouth like one of Gandhi's flip-flops and what I'm sure is a pneumatic drill trying to get out of my skull via my eye sockets. I have all the pain of a full - on, gnarly hangover, but without the pleasure of at least having earned it by getting shitfaced at some point in the previous evening. I'm twinning up with Arthur, and he's not only full of cold but has also aggravated his rib injury, so we are the very essence of decrepitude as we stagger from the lifts to rendezvous with the rest of the crew, some of whom HAD been drinking, but nonetheless look annoyingly bright - eyed and bushy - tailed. It's also teeming down with relentless, freezing rain, which helpfully turns to snow as we negotiate the M42bound for Tamworth. The situation isn't helped by one of my daughters ringing from a school trip to Edinburgh telling me that she's sitting atop of Calton Hill basking in warm sunshine and azure skies, and our joy is fully complete when we arrive at the venue to find it locked and silent. There's also nowhere to park as a scooter is helpfully sitting right in the way. Fortunately scooters are quite light, Pug and I are quite determined, and said vehicle was thus bodily picked up and removed to a less intrusive space, allowing the truck to get in. The weather's not relenting, though...it's cold and it's wet and we're pissed off. Someone finally arrives and the doors are opened. There's only one person to help us with the load-in rather than the two stipulated on the contract, and inside, the venue, whilst undeniably beautiful and full of character, has a tiny stage and virtually no wing space. It's like Barbie's Concert Hall, and the contrast with the wide - open spaces of last night's stage at Swindon couldn't be greater. There's no room for spare cases and everything has to be lifted up onto the stage, so within minutes we're all tripping over each other. It's very much square peg in round hole time, and it's slow,frustrating work, so by the time the band arrive everyone's tired and narky. Even the setting and removal of the stools for the acoustic section takes on the properties of some bizarre dance routine; young Steve Liddard looks especially graceful as he reverses offstage through the narrow gangway,one chair held in front of him and one behind. There's nowhere to set Jamie's keyboard so it has to be pushed to the side of the stage, and Nick has ten whole seconds to position it during a video insert. Clive and I are wedged tight behind Missile Command and on the other side of the stage poor old Pug is virtually sitting on Phil's lap, he's that close to the band. We also know the sales haven't been that good for tonight, so all in all today's shaping up to be one of those days best consigned to the rubbish bin of history. As I said at the start, the omens aren't good. But I've forgotten the Rules again, haven't I ? The shift is almost imperceptible at first. The band love the building and actually seem to enjoy the small, tight stage, so they get through their soundcheck in record time, giving us an hour break. We find a Domino's pizza just a kick up the arse away from the theatre, and we're soon hoovering our way through some very welcome hot grub. We're all in a cosy little backstage room and as we munch on our Hot 'n' Spicys and Vegetarian Supremes the banter starts to fly and the tension ebbs away, so by showtime we're pretty much raring to go. It IS a small crowd, but from the end of the first number they make it obvious that they've not come here just to sit and watch politely. Three numbers in and the band are smiling and enjoying themselves, and by the newly - installed " I'm A Believer " at the end of the first set, it's Game Over....another town victoriously conquered as part of our Masterplan for World Domination !!!!!! NO-ONE CAN STOP US NOW!!! MWAH HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAA !!!!( err..sorry about that....). The fact is, the show is literally too big for this theatre...the band, the lights, the images, the whole thing, are almost creating sensory overload in this compact and bijou little corner of Warwickshire...you just can't help but be blown away by it. Even though Den's still having some problems with his voice here and there it's an almost flawless show, and the things we talked about at last night's production meeting have largely been successfully put into practise. It's still not TOTALLY right but we're much less of a " work in progress " than we were even a week ago. The atmosphere on the load - out is light years away from the grumpy taciturnity of this morning, and we've also got the prospect of a ( virtually ) local gig to look forward to tomorrow. We finally shut the truck doors at an impressively early 11.45pm and head off into the Tamworth night. Behind us in the car park a lone rider scratches his head and looks again at the empty space where he's SURE he parked his scooter......