Marlborough Theatre On The Hill Saturday March 31st

This is the shortest hop of the tour so far; about twenty miles, so we take the chance to leave late and have a bit of a chill-out. The band are sitting in the hotel lounge, which looks out over the market place, and Den makes the suggestion that he might go and have a look around the town. I nod towards the window and indicate that what he can see is pretty much it…. Andover’s actually quite picturesque in places but last night it was full of the loud, aggressive, mobs of drunks that we’re seeing in every British town at weekends these days. And that was just the girls. There’ll be no such behaviour tonight….not only is Marlborough quite a genteel place, the Theatre On The Hill is also way out of town up an incredibly steep hill ( see what they did there ? ). This is our third visit to the venue, which is actually part of St John’s School, and is run by a lovely lady called Kate O’Connor. It’s a little bit weird today when we arrive, as this is the first day of the Easter holiday, and the school, which is light, airy and full of open spaces and long corridors, is eerily deserted. I also have an odd moment when I go to have a pee…there’s a sign on the door that says “ Male Staff Only “ and for some reason I hesitate about going in, and even look around to see if anyone’s watching. Once, back in the days when God was a lad, I got caught short at school and used the staff toilets, thinking no-one would see. A sadistic old git of a sports master called Anstey saw me coming out, though, and I copped it. Who says your schooldays don’t leave scars ?! I mentally shake myself and remember that a) no-one’s here b) I’m probably older than most of the male staff anyway c) I exacted sweet revenge on Anstey by kicking lumps out of his star footballer son in a match against this poor kid’s school while Dad stood helpless and fuming on the touchline, and d) if I don’t go in there’s going to be a puddle the size of Lake Titicaca on the floor. The python is duly siphoned, and we return to the task of setting up the show. Last time here they didn’t have an adapter for their three-phase power supply and we ended up running everything off 13amp sockets, which was, to say the least, a bit nerve-wracking. Today, though, their lesson learned, we bang into their main juice and all is splendid. Aided by Kate’s supplies of tea and biccies we whip everything into shape quickly and by four o’clock we’re ready to soundcheck. Last time out we had the bus here, so the isolation of the school wasn’t so much of an issue in the time that drags between soundcheck and doors, but no such luck this time, so like soldiers waiting to go into battle, we all slip into our little pastime rituals. Some read, some sleep, some smoke, some watch the latest episode of Corrie on their iPads ( yes, Mr Tompkins, I’m talking about you ). As we’re getting more efficient with the build, so we end up with a little more of this dead time to deal with. We COULD just push the get-in back, but then we’re not allowing ourselves any contingency, so we’re stuck with it. Eventually it’s kick-off time, and right from the word go we know this one’s going to be a bit different. On the last tour we had people dancing in the space right in front of the stage from about the third number. This time they don’t even wait that long. We learn there’s a group of twenty who have driven all the way down from Stafford to see the show, and they are GOING TO PARTY !! This is fine, and we appreciate them coming, but it DOES cause a problem….the theatre has a low stage, and with these people all jigging about in front of it, quite a lot of people in the bleacher seats can’t see properly, and there’s a little bit of friction. Some hardy dancers even stay on the floor for the video inserts and slower numbers, but the real problem is Pinball Wizard. This is where we detonate the pyrotechnics, which are in a line along the front of the stage. In the regular theatres this isn’t an issue, but here it’s going to be impossible to use them as people are literally on top of them. However, we’d reckoned without Nick “ Shep “ Liddard. He wades into the crowd and, arms outstretched and acting like the world’s tallest collie, herds everyone away from the stage and to a safe distance until the pyros have gone off to cheers and whoops, and then he lets them all back on to the dancefloor again. That’ll do, Shep, that’ll do…..This was the place where we first heard the band play Spirit In The Sky as an encore, and so it’s become a bit of a tradition. Needless to say, tonight’s rampaging version gets the dancers going bananas, and it’s without doubt the best of the three shows we’ve played in Marlborough. For me, it’s been a bad night, though. Apart from a pile of personal poo, I got a call just before the show to say that the bus wouldn’t be ready on Monday after all, so all our plans have to change yet again, and right now I just don’t need that. We start to kick around ideas even as we’re loading out the gear tonight….it’s quite a logistical headache as we all have to end up in the same place with our personal transport left where we can go back to it, and having got to where we’re going in such a way that no-one has to drive for ten hours or whatever. To complicate matters the band are being driven home by Nick tonight, so we have to pretty much start from scratch with them. Still, that’s why we get paid the big bucks ( NOTE : This is a sick joke, Mr Inland Revenue inspector ). We sit down briefly with Den and Steve after the show to share a few ideas, and by the time we’ve loaded out and reached the crew hotel in nearby Swindon we’ve got a workable solution. Normally I like all the logistical puzzles but tonight I’ve just had enough. Tired and pissed off, I finally fall into bed at about 2am. Tomorrow is Stevenage, and we’re all going home afterwards, so hopefully that’ll help……