Woodville Halls Gravesend Sunday Dec 2nd

Today’s jaunt is to yet another first visit to both town and venue, the Woodville Halls in Gravesend. Phil was actually born there, and so from him we understand that Gravesend is a quaint fishing village on the banks of the silvery Thames, surrounded by rolling, verdant hills where wild flowers proliferate and unicorns graze from the low – hanging branches of chocolate trees. Sadly the truth is a little more prosaic, though we are no strangers to disappointment. Shame about the chocolate trees, though….There’s obviously something about us and Sunday gigs, because once again we arrive at a theatre to find a “ modern “ musical church service in full evangelical swing. I’ve already made my thoughts on the abomination that is “ Christian Rock” perfectly clear in a previous blog, so I’ll limit my approbation this time to the fact that their presence, not communicated to us by the theatre in advance, of course, means that we rock up at one o’clock all ready for our get – in, to be told that we have to wait until two, and the worst of it is that we’re just expected to say, “ Oh, don’t worry….we don’t mind that we’ve dragged our knackered arses out of bed and driven two and a bit hours to get here. You just go on praising the Lord, and we’ll sit outside in the freezing cold “. Anyone out there got the number for a devil – worshipping cult ? I’m about to swell their numbers by one…..Once we DO get inside, the Woodville Halls is a great theatre, and is just the sort of place we should be playing. It WOULD have helped had the theatre management actually got around to telling people we were coming here to play, but hey, you can’t have it all, can you ? Unfortunately we’re set for the lowest attendance of the tour so far tonight, despite this being the very first show to be booked in. We’re not in their brochure, there are hardly any posters to be seen, and the local people we speak to say they only found out about the gig “ by accident “. This is the overarching frustration of this whole project. We work our collective biffins off to get a great show together, put ourselves on the line financially, and then find ourselves at the mercy of the marketing departments of the various theatres. Some of them do a great job, and this is reflected in attendances, but some of them , it’s fair to say, couldn’t find their own arses with both hands and a flashlight. However, in keeping with our eternal touring watchword, it is what it is, and we’ve just got to bite the bullet. Doesn’t exactly help morale very much, though, and there’s just a WEE bit too much enthusiasm to get out of the building and into a local hostelry. Phil’s had an interesting time going round the old place, and has even managed to find some of his forebears in a cemetery, though I DO think he’s gone a bit far when he asks me to put “ The ghost of Phil’s granddad “ down on the guest – list…as it happens, this isn’t the only supernatural incident tonight, but more of that later .We’re more grateful than ever for our Uberfans tonight….Marilyn, Debbie, Jim, Irene and Dawn are all here, and they make most of the noise in the early stages of the show. Everyone else then seems to get it, and once again we have a situation where the audience reaction is out of proportion to their actual numbers. It’s still disheartening for everyone, especially for the band who have to get up there and put on their best performance, because after all, the people who ARE here have paid good money for the privilege. There’s no obvious manifestation of the boys’ disappointment, of course, and once again a load of new people are blown away and ask the same old questions… “ Why aren’t there more people here ? “ and “ Why don’t more folks know about this ? “ Why indeed…..It’s a slick, smooth set tonight, and the few refinements to our Festive Finale that we talked about yesterday are implemented with great success, so there are still plenty of positives to take out of tonight. I keep having to remind myself that this IS a new show as far as the touring circuit and the theatre-going public is concerned, but it’s the contrast with the shows that have done so well that rankles. I suspect this will be a major topic of the “ wash – up “ session we’ll be having after the tour…..The show comes down and we get everything loaded out in short order, when Pug becomes victim to an odd occurrence. He decides to visit the little boy’s room before we set out for home, and goes downstairs to do the necessary. In he goes, business is taken care of, and he’s about to leave when the door, which is held open with a wooden wedge underneath it, suddenly slams shut, As he says afterwards, it’s just as well that this all happened AFTER he’d carried out his ablutions, otherwise the journey back in the car would have been both uncomfortable and somewhat fragrant. Looks like Phil’s granddad turned up after all, then…….