Wyllyott's Theatre Potters Bar, Tuesday Dec 4th

Hard to believe though it is, suddenly we’re on the last date of the tour. The oddest thing about this tour is that…..well, it hasn’t really FELT like a tour in many ways. We’ve only all stayed in a hotel together twice and didn’t even see the band on one of those occasions, and because we’ve travelled not just apart from the band but sometimes apart from other members of the crew, we haven’t managed to have the same level of togetherness that we’ve enjoyed on previous tours. In addition we had the problems not only of having to take some dates out of the original schedule, but also of the band having two shows in their own right within the tour, and all of these factors have combined to make the whole thing fragmented and erratic. On the plus side the overall level of business we’ve done has been good, and we’ve achieved what we set out to do by positioning ourselves ready to tour again in autumn / winter NEXT year, but somehow it doesn’t feel as though we’ve been through it together. Nonsense of course….the reason the show is as good as it is owes everything to the way we all work as a tight, efficient unit….but it still just doesn’t feel right. It’s also been harder work physically, thanks to all the driving, which has meant a lot of late nights, early starts, and long, long days, and to be honest we ALL look a little battered, not just the crew. It’s thus that Pug and I set out for tonight’s final show at the Wyllyott’s Theatre in Potters Bar with very mixed feelings. On the one hand I’m sorry it’s over, on the other I can’t wait to shut the doors of the vans tonight and get back to regular sleep patterns and some semblance of normality. Pug’s all set to carry on for another two or three weeks, but then he is a young alien from a planet where sleep is unknown, and all his bones and muscles still work pretty much as they’re meant to. At least we’re going out on a good ‘un tonight after two nights with disappointing attendances, so there’s a positive vibe about the crew. I’ve also got a personal milestone tonight. After a career in the music industry spanning more than thirty years, my 82 – year old Mum is coming to see what I do for a living for the very first time. I’d managed to convince her I was a goatherd for years but she finally realised something wasn’t adding up when I started going out to work wearing black shorts, a Bootleg Sixties t-shirt and steel-toecapped shoes. The overall lack of general goatyness about me probably didn’t help either, so eventually I had to come clean and reveal my dreadful secret. She was less shocked than I thought she’d be; I remember telling my Dad that I was going to work in the entertainment industry many, many years ago, and he told me not to be so stupid…..entertainment was about enjoying yourself, so how could you have a job where you enjoyed yourself ??! As this came from an ex-miner I shouldn’t have been surprised….his mantra for getting through a life of employment was “ Money sweetens labour “. As I haven’t had the proverbial pot to piss in for some time now, labour thus tastes very, very sour to me, I’m afraid ! Anyway, Mum’s all set to finally see what Number One Son does every day. She’s got her bottle of vodka in her handbag and her earplugs in her pocket, so she’s ready to rock. She’s being brought here tonight by Carol, who I’ve mentioned briefly in previous blogs, specifically the last one of the last tour. We met for the first time on the very last show at Worthing , where she was duty manager, and we are now what I believe is called “ An Item “. She’s fully embraced Bootleggery in all it’s multifarious forms, and because she’s come out of the entertainment world herself she knows that an army marches on it’s stomach, so she kindly makes me bread rolls and a packed lunch for every show. I have to say that her floury baps are the envy of the entire crew…..She’s seen the show a couple of times from the wings, but tonight is the first time she’ll see it as an audient, so there’s a fair amount of anticipation in the air. Steve’s accompanied by the fragrant Jill, Nick’s wife Karen is here too, Den’s daughter is in the crowd and there are loads of pals about, making it all a bit of a Fun Family Finale. This is also a cool little theatre which has sold very well, so we just know we’re in for a good one, and thus it transpires…..the boys are cheered onto the stage as they come on in the dark while the opening video’s being played, and from the first note there’s a real feelgood factor about tonight. This is another gig where it all comes together beautifully, and where we can see how far this could all go. There’s a brilliant atmosphere in the theatre tonight… some of it is probably down to that great intangible, Christmas Spirit, and some of it may be down to Mum’s vodka which she’s liberally sharing with her neighbours, but whatever’s behind it, it’s a great night. A storming Daydream Believer has the Potters Bar Bricklayer’s Choir bellowing along with the band, and then it’s time for our Festive Finale. We’d been wondering about doing a Christmas song for this tour, and had eventually decided to confine it to the last three shows. Problem is, of course, as Den says before they kick off, quality Christmas songs were pretty thin on the ground in the Sixties, so for this brief moment we step forward a decade to one of the best – known and loved Crimbo songs of all time, Slade’s Merry Christmas Everybody, which the band have been playing at their own Crimbo gigs for many years. To add to the general seasonal splenditudiness, we’ve got a pair of snow machines which deliver a realistic, if somewhat pungent, blizzard, and the band are decked out in red Santa hats ( though it must be said that Jamie “ Humbug “ Cook looks more ill at ease in his than a Palestinian at a barmitzvah ). There’s a whole crowd of people dancing in the “snow” at the front of the stage, and they really don’t want the band to go. As the final chord is played I suddenly realise that neither do I, but then it’s all over and we’re done for another year. I find a hoarse, ecstatic Carol and a quietly impressed Mum and decide it’ll be a good thing to show Mum round “ Missile Command “ where Tomps and I weave our Booties magic every night. She casts an eye over the vision mixers, the computers, the screens, the pyrotechnic control unit, the smoke machine and all the other electrickery, and says “ Very nice, dear “, her mind no doubt thinking wistfully of goats…..As ever on these occasions our partings from the band are somewhat cursory, but as Arthur, Nick and I are working with them in London on Saturday it doesn’t even seem like we’re really finished. All VERY odd and dislocating….Eventually everyone makes their way home and we’re ready to do the last bump – out. It’s REALLY cold tonight and we’ve got a great deal of fannying around to do with the gear, but the lure of home and a warm bed is strong and we’re done in short order, then it’s hugs and handshakes all round, and we’re off into the night for the last time. It’s been a funny old year one way and another, but we’ve got through it, and the portents for 2013 are good. I don’t normally do this, but I’d like to close this series of blogs with some heartfelt “ thankyou’s” on behalf of Arthur and myself. Firstly, a huge pat on the back has to go to Den, Steve, Phil, Jamie and Chris for consistently delivering the goods, and then, of course, it’s Big Love and “Respeck” to the crew for yet another sterling tour….Nick, Tomps, Pug, Damian, and Chris Stocker, we salute you !!! Thanks are also due to Ian Robson of TechPS for gear, coffee and the use of his loo, and to the two Alans, Field and Robinson for agency and PR respectively. We can’t possibly ignore the love and support of the wives and girlfriends, and that leads us neatly on to the people without whom all of this would be pointless, our fans and followers. We’ve already specifically mentioned Marilyn, Debbie, Dawn, Jim and Irene in these pages, so this is for you wonderful folks, but also for every single person who parted with their hard – earned groats, ducats and doubloons to come and see us. Thankyou, thankyou, and thankyou ! I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and a Bootlegtastic New Year, and that Santa brings you all your heart desires ! Watch the skies, my friends…..we will return……