Coventry Belgrade Theatre, Wed March 3rd

The portents weren’t good this morning. We filtered into breakfast to face what looked like the charred remains of something found under Jeffrey Dahmer’s floorboards, although we were reassured it was “ finest British pork bacon and sausage “. I’d hate to see what their economy pork bacon and sausage look like…… Having manfully chewed our way through this train smash on a plate we left Llandudno behind, only to run straight into stationary traffic on the A55 as soon as we got out of town. A serious crash at Colwyn Bay had closed the road, so before we’d even LEFT we knew we were going to be late arriving at Coventry. Not good. The truck can best be described as a kind of large, wheeled lead weight, with all the aerodynamic properties of a blancmange, and despite it’s professed top speed being a thrilling 56mph the harsh reality is that we’re only averaging fifty, which makes each journey seem as long as the gestation period of an elephant, or the average Party Political Broadcast. As we stoically inch along the road towards the diversion, I look over at the truck in the next lane, and see Rodders leaning forward on the steering wheel, a look of the most mighty pissed – offness writ large upon his face. I deal with the frustration in a more direct way, screaming abuse at the drivers of adjacent cars for no apparent reason, hurling rubbish at traffic police and continually thumping the wheel with both hands as if this will transport the car through the gridlock and out onto the open road. It doesn’t. Bugger. It takes us an hour to get past the poo, and although I can then give the trusty Volkswagen Passat Of Love the old lead boot and make up some time, the truck is going to be at the mercy of the winds, tides, moon and the Road Gods ( who are bastards, by the way, every last one of ‘em ). The only plus factor is that Coventry is another large theatre with plenty of space and great technical facilities, so we know we can make up SOME of the time when we get there. Despite an involuntary detour when I missed the turn for the M6 toll road because I was doing a crossword with Pug, the car pulls up at the venue just after 1pm, and Rodders must have either hoisted the mainsail or fitted rockets to the truck, as HE pulls up only forty minutes after us, which is not too shabby at all. We’re totally locked into this whole “building the show” groove now, and although I possess the technical ability of a hippo, even I am now plugging things in and setting things up with a degree of confidence that would have been unthinkable not so very long ago. OK, so the things I plug in don’t work and the things I set up fall back down, but it’s the thought that counts. The upshot of all this finely-honed teamwork is that even though we got badly held up, we’re still ready to go when the band arrive for soundcheck ( I still haven’t told you about soundchecks yet, have I ? Patience, patience… it’s coming.). We’ve pretty much sold out tonight, and this means that we've achieved our highest - ever gross sales figure for a single show. This is a Really Big Deal for us, so we all congregate in one of the dressing rooms and crack open a bottle of champagne to celebrate ( Sainsbury’s own budget range, of course, and we only get a centimetre each in a plastic beaker…can’t be too profligate, you know ). We’ve also seen a review of the Newport gig, and it was so full of superlatives that the band actually thought I’D written it, so it was almost a literal validation of everything we thought and hoped was happening. These little gee-ups seem to dispel any of yesterday’s lingering malaise, and there’s a real sense of expectation in the camp as showtime approaches. Coventry’s always been special for us; it’s our third time here and we’re back very much as the conquering heroes on this visit. The difference is palpable from the moment the lights go down and there’s a proper roar from the crowd as the shadowy figures of the band take the stage. The sheer volume of the cheers and applause at the end of the first two numbers are proof that there really ARE a lot of people here to see us tonight, and you can see the band giving each other daft grins of pleasure. THIS is what it could be like every night, and you can see them realise it. The whole thing is a shoe – in right from the start, really…..all the lads have to do is just not spectacularly cock up in some way and tonight’s in the bag. Oddly enough it’s not their best performance, although Steve ( or “ Dave “as he is referred to in the Newport review, for some reason ) is on fire; his solo in Pretty Woman gets extended and draws admiring glances from the crew as well as the audience, and he’s having one of those nights where he knows everything he tries will come off. Den’s in his element here too; there’s a lot of off – the – cuff, good natured banter with the crowd and he knows just how to play them. When he and Jamie kick off Sound of Silence the audience actually applaud as if it was their song rather than Paul Simon’s, and the same thing happens when Blowin’ In The Wind opens the second half, but the real clincher is when everyone gets up for Mony Mony and not only are we getting great gales of sound back from the seats, but there are people standing up, dancing and rocking everywhere you look. I must admit, Faithful Blogreader, that I felt a tear come to my eye. This isn’t one of the band’s party shows in their own Hertfordshire backyard, it’s a proper big theatre show in a proper big theatre on a proper big tour, and these people have all paid to come and see US. They’re going, as I believe the phrase has it, totally apeshit too….the cheers are so loud at the end of the last encore that for a moment I’m almost thinking the band will come back on and do another, unscheduled song, but good sense prevails and we finish the show as normal. The lads quickly dry off and run out to the merchandise area to meet and greet the fans, and they’re out there a long, long time. They want to make every moment of this fantastic experience last, and why shouldn’t they ? After the downer of Llandudno we’re all right back on a high again, and they deserve it. Tonight has been a kind of culmination of everything we’ve tried to do on the tour, and we’ve had a little glimpse of what lies behind the curtain….we could be having this reaction in venues like the Belgrade with crowds this size EVERY night in the not too distant future. Thoughts of Lamborghinis, Bahamian holiday homes and private jets flit through my mind, right up until the moment a flight case runs over my toe. Great show, BRILLIANT show, in fact, but it’s over now…...time to pack up and get on to the next one. That’s the nature of the beast, but tonight we think we’re starting to tame that beast a little bit. I smile to myself. How about THAT one then, Rock Gods ? Stick THAT in your corporeal hash - pipes and smoke it ! We’re ready for whatever you can throw at us now……bring it ON !!!!