Scunthorpe Plowright Theatre Fri March 5th

It’s a gratifyingly short run to Sunny Scunny today, so after we’ve had a quick mooch around the sights of the town ( VERY quick, actually ) and a bite to eat we get stuck in to the load – in. The Plowright is a neat, modern theatre with good facilities, and although it’s quite small it has great access and plenty of storage space, not to mention a very capable and helpful crew, so to our surprise and pleasure we’re pretty much set up and ready to soundcheck by 2.30pm, which must be some sort of record. There’s no time for loafing, though, as there’s always something needs a bit of TLC or even impact therapy to get it working again, and this is the perfect time to catch up on this stuff. Arthur and I also have to deal with a thorny logistical issue; it’s become clear that Ol’ Slowcoach, the truck, is going to take about a week to make the near 300 mile trek from Pocklington to Wimborne, and the minibus won’t do much better, so we’re having to look at the possible option of getting the truck and band driven to Dorset overnight. This will involve a tour bus being hired in and a relief driver found for the truck, all of which will cost money…and that’s also assuming we can persuade someone to do it for us, so we get on the phones and start calling in favours. Just to make our day go even smoother we find when the band start soundchecking that three of our PA system “ tweeters “ may have blown, so Pug and Arthur get the screwdrivers out and start disembowelling the speaker cabinets. Luckily it just turns out to be loose capacitors
( whatever THEY may be ) and a swift application of the soldering iron has everything ticking along again. We rarely have the time to even run tests on problems like this so it’s a major relief that it’s something the guys can fix quickly, and not for the first time we appreciate the luck that’s brought us so far with no real major technical issues to speak of. We can’t really carry too many spares on the road so if something went VERY badly wrong we’d find ourselves having to explore other avenues, like theft or prayer. For today at least, though, we’re still in the game. At soundcheck the band decide that they’re going to replace Do You Love Me with On The Beach as the question they’re asked the most by the people they meet after the show is “ Why is there no Cliff in there ? “ It’s a measure of how well we’ve nailed this whole touring lark that this change is met with an accepting nod rather than the abject panic we felt about the changes which were forced on us in the first couple of weeks. I also feel I’ve got my part of the show completely under control now. With the one – off gigs we did in the past there was no continuity and no chance to familiarise yourself with the thing, and as such I had to have the comfort blanket of a set list plus a full numbered index of all the slides and video inserts we were using, and these had to be spread out in order around my control position, properly illuminated and so on. If they were out of my sight even for a second I’d have a total cow, yet here I am running with a hand – written set list complete with doodlings and crossings - out whilst happily moving slides around during the show to give them more impact. It just goes to show what a bit of routine and repetition can do ! The lads have made another small change to tonight’s show, and it’s one Arthur and I have felt has needed making for quite a while. When they do the “ Mods & Rockers “ gag the main build – up is between Den and Steve, but Chris has been delivering the punchline, As he’s standing at the back and to one side the sudden shift in visual and vocal emphasis seems to dissipate it’s effectiveness, and we’ve felt the dialogue should stay completely with Den and Steve. I found out earlier that Chris DIDN’T forget the punchline last night, they’d just been talking about changing it beforehand and there’d been some confusion as to whether it was going to happen that night or not, hence the pregnant pause. There’s no such uncertainty tonight and the whole thing works 100% , getting big laughs from the crowd. I’ve been asked by a couple of my more cynical acquaintances if I don’t think the between – song banter and little comedy moments are just too “ cabaret “, but my answer to them has always been “ Up your nose with a rubber
hose, matey “ followed by a swift crossing – off from my Christmas card list. The answer is no, it’s not cabaret at all…..it MAY be a bit corny here and there but if you look at the bands of the Sixties many of them incorporated some element of comedy into their acts; don’t forget they were still classed as being part of that catch – all category “ light entertainment “ so they were just maintaining the showbiz traditions of the day, and I think that’s where we’re coming from, with the emphasis on the word “ entertainment “. Another issue these nay-sayers raised was the fact that the verbal aspect of the show is quite tightly scripted and pretty much the same each night, and my response to THAT is “ Of course it bloody well is ! We’re doing a two – month tour, for Flipper’s sake, are the band expected to come up with different witty banter and repartee every single
night ?” The Barron Knights have been doing the same set with exactly the same jokes for nigh on fifty years, and even the top comedians like Connolly, Evans and McIntyre work to a script….they don’t make the whole thing up as they’re standing there onstage every time ! They key is to keep it sounding fresh, and the lads are doing absolutely fine with this. It REALLY gets up the back of my goat’s nose when people are negative about something so forehead – slappingly obvious. Anyway, rant over….back to the show, which easily makes it a hat – trick of belters after Coventry and Wakefield. This is a very vocal audience who need no second bidding to sing lustily along at every opportunity, and the inclusion of On The Beach at the end of the second set proves an inspired decision. I’m also really pleased to see our Superfan Marilyn bang in the front bopping around with her chic white and pink tour T – shirt on….the girl’s a trouper, and no mistake ! The only odd thing about the theatre is that the bar is tiny and actually in the auditorium, so the band have to move with the speed of many antelope to get out there after the show before the ushers have cleared the building completely. One chap sidles up to Arthur and tells him that two of the photographs we used in the “ your town in the 1960’s “ section behind Handbags & Gladrags weren’t, in fact, of Scunthorpe. We apologise and tell him that everywhere looked the same back in the Sixties when it was all in black and white. Pedant. Actually ( and I digress unashamedly here ) that reminds me of the time my youngest daughter Sarah, who was about six at the time, was watching an old monochrome programme on TV. It was probably from the Sixties, actually, as it had modern-ish cars and the fashions were way past crinolines and top hats, and she kept looking from me to the screen, the screen to me. Eventually she furrowed her brow and asked “ Daddy, when you were a little boy, were you in colour ? “ Genius ! Back at the Plowright Theatre we’re getting the place cleared in very good time, and set off for the hotel. We’re driving about thirty miles north tonight, to North Ferriby, and we will be staying in this hotel for two nights as it’s well placed for both Scunthorpe and tomorrow’s show in Bridlington, plus it sets us right on the M62 for Sunday’s drive down to Loughborough. We drive over the Humber Bridge for the first time, which is the Largest In Europe With a Bendy Bit at One End or something, trying to keep our eyes on the road and NOT on the terrifying quarter – mile drop to certain, horrible death in the icy waters of the river ( I don’t like big bridges….did you pick up on that anywhere ? ). What IS good is that they only charge the measly ( though somewhat odd ) amount of £ 2.70 to use the bridge. Why, then, do you need a mortgage to cross a similar structure just to get into Wales…and then NOT pay anything to cross back out ? I know I mentioned this before in a previous blog but so far neither the First Minister of Wales nor the head of the Department Of Transport, both of whom tell me they religiously read this, have had the courtesy to reply. Does anyone out there know the answer to this burning, all – consuming question ? Replies on an e-mail please……