Marlborough Theatre On The Hill, Fri March 26th

We’re back down in Wiltshire today, just across the M4 from Swindon, in picturesque Marlborough. Tonight’s show is an unusual one in that it’s at a school; St John’s Community College, a brand spankers new hi – tech complex with it’s own theatre, the Theatre On The Hill. We’re VERY nervous about this one; we’ve not been able to get any of the technical information back about it and have no idea whatsoever what to expect. Our suspicions are confirmed when Arthur rings us as on the way down; they haven’t got the basic power we need to run the show and are having to hire in some cable and feed it in from a different part of the building. Not a good start. When we get there the place is amazing, and looks more like a university than a school. At first glance the theatre is a great little room, until we realise that, apart from the power, none of the lighting bars move, there are no lights actually above the stage, there aren’t any stagehands, the houselights are controlled by wall switches in the hall itself so you have to run down from stage to switch them on and off and we have to wheel everything through the cavernous reception area to reach the theatre. In front of the stage is a gap of about four metres before the seats start, so it’s like playing across a moat. In addition their drum and keyboard risers are made up of what seem like a load of coffee tables joined together, and they’re very big and very high. We have to take the decision to get rid of them totally, which raises the ire of a chap in a tie and ID badge who is something to do with Building Facilities. This jolly fellow had put the risers out earlier and isn’t best pleased about having to take them away again, which he lets us know about with much huffing and puffing. The rest of the people here are really nice, though, and Rob, the house tech is almost ridiculously helpful, plus we’re now used to dealing with curveballs. It’s still a slow, slow process, however…..the central projector can’t be hung on the normal bar as it’s just too close to the stage and effectively silhouettes Steve against the screen; as a result we have to hang it from a bar in the main hall which is so high I get a nosebleed when I try and go up the ladder. Mr Health & Safety would probably have a coronary if he could see Rob take the projector off me and shin up the longest ladder I’ve ever seen like a monkey on crystal meth. Rather him than me, say I….a person of my size is just not designed to be that far off the ground; I’m built for sitting on sofas with cups of tea and big bars of chocolate. The upshot of all this fannying about is that the lads don’t have much time to soundcheck, and they’re anxious to keep practising all the stuff for Germany, but it can’t be helped….the power issue takes ages to resolve as it turns out to be a can of not only worms, but snakes, beetles and nasty big spiders as well, but Rodders manages to resolve things with a combination of various leads, plugs, string, glue and spit. We also know the show hasn’t sold as well as the school had hoped; we’re only the second professional visiting company to visit and they haven’t got the profile in the area that they need yet. All of this means that we’re not sure how things are going to go tonight, but we’re just going to have to give it our best shot. The school are certainly making the effort; they’ve set up a little bar in the reception area and have got some of the older kids running the door and being ushers….now all we need is an audience ! As it turns out a decent number of folks arrive, and the thing that’s most apparent is how eager they all are to see the show as they come in…maybe this is going to be OK after all. Right at the beginning of this blogfest I talked about how the shows you look forward to often disappoint, while the ones you’re dreading turn out be to stonkers. Tonight is most definitely in the latter category. What these folks lack in numbers they make up for in enthusiasm, and we’ve got them dancing within a couple of numbers. By the time we get to the
“ party “ section there’s a pretty solid press of people in the “ moat “, and Den has the great idea of adding another song at the end; it’s the first time we’ve done it but this is definitely the kind of place where it’ll work. The song choice is a masterstroke; they go for Spirit In The Sky, and absolutely tear the roof off the place. I’ve heard them play this a few times before but tonight is just a killer, killer version; everyone on the place is going mental and the band are unstoppable; by the end the crowd are just greasy spots on the floor and even the crew are yelling for more ! We’ve probably never had as many people come up to us after the show and literally PLEAD for us to come back again….the other nice thing is that this is going to help the school get their events off the ground as the word will definitely go out that it’s a good place to come to. Their attitude is excellent, because they realise there are technical shortcomings here, and rather than hide behind them Kate and Rob literally come up to us with pen and paper in hand afterwards for our comments and suggestions as to how they can improve things here. THAT’S the sort of approach you need, and we’ll happily come back here again to play for these lovely people. As it’s a long haul to Eastbourne tomorrow we’ve decided that the crew will go part of the way tonight, and the chosen destination is Southampton. Rodders and I borrow Lid’s satnav but I can’t even get the bloody thing to switch on at first, and by the time I’ve worked it out, everyone’s left us behind, so we ease the truck out into the leafy lanes of Wiltshire and set off for Southampton airport, which was the nearest destination I could get the machine to accept. Now, I’m not really a fan of satnavs anyway, and my dislike it compounded as the infernal thing directs us along increasingly smaller and tighter lanes. Twenty minutes in to the journey and we are, quite literally, in the middle of nowhere, in pitch darkness. I try to call Lids and Pug to get them to look at the map for us, but we don’t have phone signal either. We’re on our own, and we’re well and truly snookered, so we just have to inch on through the night regardless. Suddenly Rodders says thoughtfully, “ Tone, I think we’re on Salibury Plain…..” “ Why do you think that ? “ I reply. “ Because we’ve just gone over a crossing for tanks “ he says. He’s right. We’re in Armoured Warfare Central, and it suddenly comes to me that the British Army fight most of their battles at night. It therefore follows that they must TRAIN at night, and so the next ten miles or so are spent on the edge of our seats, waiting for a twenty – ton Challenger tank to roar up and squish us, or else blow us off the road. Luckily we make the main road without mishap, and apart from a slight “ going the wrong way up the motorway “ hiccup, finally make the hotel at 2.00am. It’s been a bit of a stressful twenty – fours hours, and so I sleep like a baby ( in other words I cry all night and wet my pants…..)