Pocklington Arts Centre Fri March 12th

A little snapshot for you of some of the poo that goes on behind the scenes which is neither seen or appreciated...on the drive to Pocklington this morning I ride in the truck with Arthur so I can do some work. The main object of today’s exercise is to chase up the many venues, councils, trusts, cartels and quangos who still haven’t paid us for the shows we’ve done for them. We’re in the truck for around two and a half hours, yet I only manage to physically speak to TWO people; the rest is frustrating round of voicemail, “ he’ll call you back “, she’s in a meeting or “ I’m sorry, he’s having a head transplant…he’ll be back on Monday” I’ve now wasted two hours of my life, run up a chunky mobile phone bill, and have got precisely nobloodywhere. We’re rapidly running out of money because we depend on these people paying us promptly, and while they fart around with their purchase orders, bought ledgers and procurement departments, Arthur and I have got musicians and crew asking daily when they’ll be getting their wages. Can I just state here for the record that I don’t care what venue you’re from, there’s absolutely no reason or excuse why figures can’t be calculated within 48 hours of a show taking place and the artiste told how much they have to invoice the venue for. There’s ALSO no excuse for us then having to wait thirty, sixty and in some case up to ninety days for payment. It’s not YOUR money, you know, and we’re not buying the Town Hall off you or driving a new motorway past the town, for crying out loud….we’re talking small, manageable sums of cash here. And as for all these delaying tactics like cobblers about problems with “ the cheque – writing software “….I’ll come round with my OWN cheque writing software in that case…it’s called a 50p BIC biro, and guess what…it always works. Right. Spleen vented…..time to move on. So Pocklington, then. This is a really pretty little town just east of York, though until this tour I don’t think any of us even knew of it’s existence. One thing we DO know is that the contrast between last night’s venue and the Arts Centre here couldn’t be greater. Whereas the Plaza was all wide open spaces, the Arts Centre is the very essence of compact and bijou. There’s not even a stage….the band are playing on a flat platform at the base of the tiered seating., but it’s a really nice venue…..apart from the fact that a) you have to unload your truck in someone’s garden then remove it to the next county b) we’re back in the Alps again with fifteen steep stairs to the stage c) there’s nowhere to store cases except for the art gallery, which is great…except that you have to cart the cases down about three feet to the lower level, d) there are no moving bars, just like Market Drayton, so it’s a case of humping MACs and projectors up wobbly ladders, and e) the absolute piece de resistance, you can’t load back out the way you came in, because the person whose garden it is has some kind of bizarre objection to a load of uncouth road crew crashing about among the gladioli in the early hours of the morning. I mean, where’s their sense of humour, dammit ? As a result you have to either lump everything up to the top of the tiers in the theatre then put it in the disabled lift and bring it back down, then wheel it right through the theatre and out of the front door. Alternatively you can take it from the art gallery…… and THEN wheel it right through the theatre and out of the front door. Unsure what to do when faced with such a cornucopia of attractive choices we opt for tossing a coin. We lose. There are many good things about the venue, though...the folks here, all volunteers, are extremely friendly and helpful, and the whole place has great atmosphere. There’s also a belting fish & chip shop just down the road and some wicked pubs and bars, plus we’ve been told we’ve virtually sold out, so there plenty of reasons to be cheerful( part three ). There does remain one small stone in the sock – heel of our lives, however…..after tonight’s show we have got the near three – hundred mile, six-and-a-bit- hour haul down to Wimborne in Dorset. What we NEED is a nice, comfortable, flat load out with plenty of helpers. What we’ve GOT is a slow, awkward obstacle course with two keen but inexperienced guys, AND a late –finishing show to boot. But that’s for later…first we have to do the show…and what a show it turns out to be ! The audience are so close and at the same level as the band that they can’t help but connect, and they’re a noisy, enthusiastic lot to start with. It’s a hot, tight, intimate gig, and the lads really get stuck into it. Everything gets a fabulous reaction….the crowd even cheer the slides of the local footage !….and not a single person stays in their seats. The band look like they’re loving this, and everyone else here CERTAINLY is. The place is so small that the roars and cheers at the end are magnified, and just like South Shields, when we play the “ outro “ video insert at the very end of the show they’re extremely vocal in their disappointment. Not for the first time we hear things like “ best band I’ve seen in years “ and “ best show we’ve ever had in here “, and I have to say the show WAS great, but the crew are starting to flag now, and there’s still the prospect of the drive from hell in front of us. The load – out is as slow and gruelling as we’d feared, and it’s a good hour later than our normal finish time that the truck door is finally closed. Rodders and Clive are driving the truck to Wimborne overnight, partly to avoid the road works on the M1, M25, M3, M27 and every other M we go anywhere near, and partly to drop Clive off near Bedford as he’s working with another act tomorrow. They’re brave men, and I salute you, Brothers In Rock ! Arthur, Pug, Lids and me aren’t being QUITE so suicidal; we’re only going as far as Leicester Forest East services and the delights of Day’s Inn. It’s still getting on for three am when we pull up there, though, so we stagger in and crash out almost immediately. We’ve got to be back on the road by ten for another four – hour minimum run. Tomorrow’s going to be SO much fun……